I’m in a mood. It is not a good one and it is not a bad one, it is a “Meh” mood. I am annoying myself, so I cannot imagine what it is doing to those around me. I find myself talking louder and more aggressively and to add more fun to the mix I seem to get irritated very easily. I think I am fighting some kind of inner battle with myself. Like I am depressed or upset but my brain has not categorized it so my body is just taking this deflective posture until it figures out what’s up.
Need an example? My husband just came out of his office and struck up a conversation about chocolate. You know the yummy sweet cocoa deliciousness? He found some in our pantry and wanted to let me know in case I was longing for something sweet. Nice guy right? My response was caustic and loud. Not really mean just aggressive. All of a sudden I looked at him and said “I am yelling, why am I yelling?” We both started laughing but my laugh turned into crying because I am so frustrated with myself. I have some ratcheted stress that seems to be getting worse, not better.
My husband’s take on the whole thing is that I am watching way too much news and internalizing it all. Mark feels my best course of action would be to avoid Facebook and the news. Take a break from the daily updates of insanity. He might be right. I actually waste way too much time trolling through the endless ridiculousness on Facebook. I like Facebook. I see things and hear about things from friends that I cannot see all of the time and I like that. Also included in the nice friendly updates is other people’s dirty laundry, personal unsolicited opinions on any given topic and a boat load of crazy. This kind of stuff can turn just about anybody crazy if they spend enough time looking at it.
The news is another ball of wax. I am just not someone that processes the news well. I take it all on. I can’t just “let it go”. Many stories I see and hear stay parked in my brain and become the scroll bar inside my head, like my own personal highlights page. That’s when “the mood” strikes, the loud growling mood that comes out of nowhere and attacks all in its wake. I am going to take my hubby’s advice. He has the most to gain from my attitude change if I pull it together so why not give it a try.
Besides if I drag myself away from the negatives, maybe I would have time to write more. I’d like that. Who knows, maybe you would too.
I am going to pack up my loud voice and trot out a good attitude today, but first I have to post my blog and load it on Facebook…AGH, I know…I promise I won’t look at anything!